I almost always take a redeye from SEA->JFK on Alaska, usually flight AS 26 which departs at 1130pm and arrives at both an ungodly early hour if I’ve adjusted to Pacific Time, and a normal morning if it’s an Eastern Time. I tend to get lucky with the upgrades, as the flight isn’t too in-demand and I end up in Premium, or often First Class. Regardless of seat assignment, I find the space, physical, mental, and emotional, ripe for digesting my feelings. Alas, as I type this from 2C on a 737Max, I reflect on my current state, and journey. This one will be more scattered than usual, as I’m a feeling a bit frazzled.
Looking back at my previous blog posts and taking stock of my memories and values, I’ll travel to Seattle for someone that matters to me. Whether that’s celebrating for a wedding, finding time to see specifc people, cheering on a beloved team with friends, or something else, I’ve only recently realized the level of intentionality I put on my trips to Seattle. I will always, always try to maximize my trips with multiple interactions. This trip was to see a friend’s newborn, amongst other things.
I don’t know if I have ever truly associated myself with New York City, until now. I was not born here, and though I have fallen in love with the bustling nature of the city, it’s only been 2.5 years since I said, “Welcome to New York”. When someone asks me where I’m from, I proudly say Issaquah (or sometimes, Bellevue, to make myself seem more high class and affluent than I am). All of the sports teams that I affiliate myself with are from Seattle. My alma mater is Washington, perhaps more than just literally. But for the first time in my life, someone else labeled me as “New York Joshua,” at which I chuckled at. A new character in my story and I in theirs, they only know me as someone who lives in New York, yet I hesitate to accept the sobriquet. Am I a New Yorker? Maybe it’s the endless quality food options, the diversity of people I meet, or perhaps the haute Style? My heart may be Seattle, but that hasn’t stopped me from loving New York.
To start this upcoming February, I’ll be headed down south for a Royal Caribbean cruise, ironically on the same cruise line my sister performed shows on. I’m headed to, you guessed it, the Caribbean. I am so, so proud of my sister. She continues to push herself in her Wushu career, accomplishing and achieving beyond my Wildest Dreams. Some good friends whom I met in my church community group in NYC are getting married, and asked me to officiate their wedding. I don’t think I’ll ever say “no” to participating in a wedding as, in my eyes, it marks a monumental relationship either past or present. I’m flattered, honored, and thankful for the times someone asks me to be in their wedding, whether it’s a friendship that has sprouted in the past few years, or longtime buddies who shared impactful stages of life with me. I’ve never officiated a wedding before.
I’m grieving over something that, although not established, nor lengthy, nor labeled, I cared about. Is It Over Now? Grief is a tough feeling to have. I was going to say it’s one of the worst feelings, but having something to grieve over means you’ve appreciated and valued something, and in this moment, while that’s an upsetting feeling, I’d also argue that having those things that matter to you (whether kept or lost) is a core tenet to living. I put a lot of effort into things I care about, and I’m sad when things don’t work out in the way I dream about. The existential questioning of what and why I care about things is beyond my capacity right now, but I know I’m feeling sad about loss.
This week is Spotify’s Wellness Week, which they give employees off to “be well”. Many people use the week to take a free vacation; last year I used the time to get my medical, dental, vision, etc. checkups. This year, I’ll do the same, but am hoping to take some time to really feel what my goals in this upcoming year are. I regret not setting more goals in 2023, as I felt like I fell short of things I wanted to do and the person I wanted to be.
Below are some questions I hope to think about during this week. I doubt I’ll ever find true answers, but at least they’ll spark some conversations and thoughts.
What am I looking for in a relationship? I’ve been on quite a few dates in the past years, but some meant significantly more to me than others. I would like to have some stronger sense of a checklist. I suppose step one is identifying How You Get the Girl.
What makes a good friendship? What nurtures a healthy one? What kills one?
Who do I want to be in 2024? What do I want to achieve? How do I want to treat people? What will make a “successful” 2024?